A little more on jetplanes and airbuses

So he sends me this e.mail. From Switzerland. Whomever said Switzerland was ever neutral did not knew my love. He says he´s coming back. (The breath of this other man who loves me by my side) and I read this e.mail. He says he´s thought of me. All this time apart he says. All that we said before he left. That last encounter, he´s not forgotten. (I hadn’t either) That drunken message I sent him, (which he read before his flight) that drunken message where I say (did I really said so?) where I said I loved him, I´d wait for him if he asks me to. (which he received, which he read but did not answer) Such an inappropriate message he says. Hadn´t been able to forget it. To put it away. To put my image away. He says his coming back (not for me, no he does not say such a thing) some work thing, some family issue, some other reason but a valid one. He gives away a number, a flight number, a departure and arrival time.(I wonder). I erase that e-mail. But memorize these facts. He sends it he says, in hope, that I will be willing to see him, some time.

So it rains that morning, so I´m out of money and my car is wrecked. So I can’t help myself nonetheless I try to. I take the bus to the airport. I take three buses to get to the airport. It rains all the way. So I get to the airport pretty much in time. His flight has arrived, his plane has landed. Passengers might pick up luggage in arrival area “D”. His family is there. I remember his mother, his stepfather, his sister (which I only met once) and a mutual friend from highschool whom I hope will not recognize me. Not with this blond her I hope, not with this pounds extra I think. So I walk into the arrival room. Its raining cats and dogs out there. And there he is (you know) He´s still got that sort of hippie back pack. I made a patch for it when he went on his first trip. We went to the airport together that one time. Things were sort of messed up already then, but that thing he said he had with that Dutch girl… that one night stand I had with one of his best friends… there was no coming back from that.

We are grown ups now, I think while I stand there, wet and waiting, pouring myself into the airport floor. He’s got his family to hug, his luggage to pick up. He´s gotta have some Mexican food and settle. What am I doing here? Why will he say those things? Why would I believe him again? He´s smiling. This happiness he brings with him, have I anything to do with it? I stand there in panic, I wonder if I should run towards him and kiss him, and tell him how much I love him, how much I´ve waited. Or perhaps I should wait for him to drop his luggage and run to me to tell me how much HE loves me, how much HE´S WAITED… I wonder. I try to wave at him at least so he notices, so he sees me, to wave, to smile at least. But I remain frozen. I paralyze as do the baby deers when they feel hunted (this, you know, actually helps the hunter) so there I stand in wonder (panic). Completely incapable of action. Looking at him and falling inlove all over, as I´ve done every single morning since the very they I met him. So he sees me at last. He hugs his mother, he turns his head, intuition maybe, coincidence, fate… I look hideous. My jeans are muddy and my hair´s a mess. “I love you, I whisper while he walks in my direction. I always will” He smiles, His lips outline what I think is a “me too” but I wont stay enough to figure. I wave, I´m finally able to move and so I wave, not hello, good bye It is. He knows this. He slows down his steps. I turn around.. I walk back into the rain. He stops then. We love each other. Always had. Always will. Won’t stay together though